


John Watson is Really Very Sorry that his Boyfriend Can't Hold his Liquor

by kyaticlikestea



Series: John Watson's Blog [3]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Blog post, Crack, Drunk!Sherlock, Humour, John Watson's Blog, John's blog, M/M, Mike has a dog called Frumpy, Mrs Hudson throws epic parties
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-20
Updated: 2012-05-20
Packaged: 2017-11-05 16:46:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/408695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyaticlikestea/pseuds/kyaticlikestea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'Firstly, I must apologise to everyone who wasn’t at Mrs Hudson’s New Years’ Eve party, and not least because you missed a bloody good buffet. Thanks, Mrs Hudson! You really pulled out all the stops. Mrs Turner will have a hard act to follow next year (no offence, Mrs Turner – we all thoroughly enjoyed your burlesque themed evening of 2013!) Secondly, I have to apologise to everyone who <i>was</i> at Mrs Hudson’s New Years’ Eve party. If you attended, you will no doubt have witnessed the absolutely shocking antics of one Sherlock Holmes, and you’re probably in the middle of researching therapy appointments as you read this. I can personally e-mail you with the details of a very good therapist if you still feel as though you need one at the end of this post.'</p><p>Or, John writes a blog post detailing Sherlock's appalling behaviour at Mrs Hudson's New Years' party. He's really very, very sorry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	John Watson is Really Very Sorry that his Boyfriend Can't Hold his Liquor

**2nd January, 2015  
An Apology**

Dear All, 

There, that’s the formalities out of the way. Now I can get back to what this blog is really about; the behaviour of my absolute git of a flatmate and sometimes boyfriend (when he’s not being a complete and utter idiot), Sherlock Holmes. 

Firstly, I must apologise to everyone who wasn’t at Mrs Hudson’s New Years’ Eve party, and not least because you missed a bloody good buffet. Thanks, Mrs Hudson! You really pulled out all the stops. Mrs Turner will have a hard act to follow next year (no offence, Mrs Turner – we all thoroughly enjoyed your burlesque themed evening of 2013!). If you weren’t at this particular party, there’s a good chance you won’t have a bloody clue what I’m on about in this post, but you’ll probably enjoy reading it anyway. We all like seeing Sherlock make a tit of himself, don’t we?

Secondly, I have to apologise to everyone who _was_ at Mrs Hudson’s New Years’ Eve party. If you attended, you will no doubt have witnessed the absolutely shocking antics of one Sherlock Holmes, and you’re probably in the middle of researching therapy appointments as you read this. I can personally e-mail you with the details of a very good therapist if you still feel as though you need one at the end of this post.

All right, let’s describe what happened at this party.

At approximately 7pm on December 31st 2014, twenty of Mrs Hudson’s closest friends and family arrived at her flat in Baker Street to celebrate the passing of the year. For some, it had been quite a dramatic year – my heart goes out in particular to Mike Stamford who lost his pet dog, Frumpy, in April of that year. For others, like me, it had been more of a rollercoaster. It’s true, I was banned from a popular chain of supermarkets after one too many rows with the chip and pin machines, but my best friend also came back after three years, so you know, swings and roundabouts. 

At nearer 10pm on the same night, one Sherlock Holmes arrived at the party, already in a state of evident intoxication. He then proceeded to deduce – incorrectly*, I may add! – that 2014 had been a bloody shite year and he hoped we had all enjoyed it because he bloody well didn’t, being stuck in a grotty flat in Bosnia. Serves him right, I say, but there we go, he won’t listen to me. 

At about 11pm, he ran off with Mrs Hudson’s trifle and consumed it in one sitting, whilst sitting on the toilet. 

At around half past 11, he threw up the entirety of the afore-mentioned trifle onto Molly Hooper’s shoes. He did not apologise, but did point out that now other people were welcome to a slice.

At about quarter to 12, he decided to attempt to copulate with me on the buffet table. I should point out that I did not allow this, and did in fact attempt to render him unconscious with the silver cake tray. The fact that I was unsuccessful was merely down to bad luck, and not a lack of effort on my part.  


Roughly ten minutes later, he started crying, proclaiming that he would miss 2014 as it had been such a good friend to him. When gently probed by a very considerate and not at all amused DI Lestrade, he announced that his favourite part of the year was when he shot a man in the face in Serbia. Attempts to laugh this off as drunken humour were ultimately unsuccessful. 

At the turn of midnight, Sherlock Holmes proceeded to jump out of the window, stating that the world as he knew it would end with the turn of the New Year. He seriously injured a cat on impact, and we are now being sued for the veterinary bills required to set all four of the cat’s legs in plaster. Sherlock’s proposal that the cat be shot in the face for sympathetic purposes went unheeded.

I can confirm that Sherlock is now out of hospital with nothing more than a broken wrist, bruised coccyx and possibly permanently fractured ego. Please feel free to tell me in the comments what a tit he is. I plan to read them out to him later.

\- John

* Sherlock has forced me to add the disclaimer that this is not necessarily incorrect.

**11 comments**

Bloody hell, John!! Sounds like you had an exciting time of it! You should have come down the pub with me and the army lads, we had a right laugh, wish you’d been there mate  
 **Bill Murray, 2nd January, 13:12**

Thanks for posting this, John. In my drunken stupor I had somehow allowed myself to forget the true horrors of that night and thus avoid any future night terrors. I now fear that my efforts were fruitless. I am thrilled.  
 **Lestrade, 2nd January, 13:56**

Greg has been in the bath for two hours. I know he isn’t dead because I can hear him singing Roxette, but the situation is unsatisfactory. Anthea will be round in the car for you shortly.  
 **Mycroft Holmes, 2nd January, 16:13**

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH JOHN I WISH I’D BEEN THERE!!!!!! i was in aa though before you ask  
 **Harry, 2nd January, 17:43**

ps why do you say hes your boyfriend lol and copulate????? dude get with the 21th century!!  
 **Harry, 2nd January, 18:12**

It’s Mrs Turner here, Mrs Hudson’s friend. She’s not going to comment here I’m afraid, love. I think she’s still a bit miffed about the carpets. If you could maybe bring some Dettol down I think that would do her the world of good. – Mrs Turner  
 **Mrs Hudson, 2nd January, 18:32**

SHERLOCK HOLMES I AM GOING TO END YOU. I AM GOING TO CUT YOU IN HALF AND DANGLE EACH HALF OF YOUR BODY OUT OF OPPOSITE ENDS OF YOUR BUILDING, CATCH THE DRIPPING BLOOD IN BOWLS AND FEED IT IN A SMOOTHIE TO ANYONE WHO HAS EVER LOVED YOU. I AM GOING TO CUT OFF YOUR HANDS AND WRITE ‘SHERLOCK SUCKS’ WITH YOUR BLOODY STUMPS. I AM GOING TO SHAVE YOUR HEAD AND MAKE YOU SWALLOW YOUR HAIR. I AM GOING TO CUT OFF EACH OF YOUR TOES AND MAKE YOU WEAR THEM AS A NECKLACE, TYING THEM TOGETHER WITH YOUR OWN INTESTINES. I AM GOING TO [comment limit reached]  
 **Anonymous, 2nd January, 19:55**

…. wow.  
 **Sally Donovan, 2nd January, 20:00**

Who the hell is anonymous?? Bloody hell! Thanks for the condolences by the way mate, I buried him in the grounds of the old church in the end, it’s what Frumpy would have wanted :( :(  
 **Mike Stamford, 2nd January, 20:06**

I would like to say that I know who Anonymous is; however, I am sad to admit that it could really be any one of Sherlock’s acquaintances. They are not showing an abnormal reaction to the behaviour of my little brother. I am also pleased to report that Gregory has now left the bath and John will be returning home shortly.  
 **Mycroft Holmes, 2nd January, 20:43**

John, I would very much like the details of that therapist, if possible. And some sandwiches with the crusts cut off.  
 **Sherlock Holmes, 2nd January, 21:21**


End file.
